You asked for my experience on my book writing journey, so here it is. If you know me well, you get what you ask for – an honest, unfiltered version. I am half way through the process, but here are some thoughts and experiences that helped me shape my writing journey.
I think it was late June – early July 2020 when someone on my team suggested a virtual team coffee. I led the AARP Services B2C digital team; in the pre-pandemic days, team coffee meant walking as a team to get coffee and bonding over coffee and non-work conversations. At this virtual team coffee, the conversation drifted to dream careers. As I shared that I always wanted to write or teach, I remember the team pushing me to follow my passion. “Especially now”, they said, “with the pandemic and your new empty-nester status, you have all the time to write.”
I love books. Book and a cup of tea is a perfect me-time. Even in my office at work, I had a designated reading chair. In between meetings, you would find me there with a magazine or book, a quick mental break before the next meeting. I am not sure why I decided to follow up on the team suggestion – maybe the time was right or, maybe I was looking for something positive in the pandemic or, maybe my dad’s recent brush with death had me looking for something more profound. But, that evening after work, I brushed the dust off some of my writings neatly filed away in my Google drive.
I have tried to write in the past. I have taken writing classes at the Bethesda Writer’s Center. I have many blog articles and a children’s story filed away on my Google drive. But the publishing world left me confused; it felt like a pipe dream – an unattainable or fanciful hope or plan. This time around as I started to reignite my writing passion, I reached out to my LinkedIn community for recommendations on writing coaches. As a certified Gallup coach, I have learned from experience that my chances for success are higher when I have someone holding me accountable, especially when I am trying something new. After interviewing several coaches, I decided to go with Eric Koester, the founder of Creator Institute, hopeful that his proven and well structured program increased my chance of success.
Why this book?
Honestly, this book on digital products was not the book that I first started to write. As a digital executive and a coach, I saw an opportunity to help innovate companies by helping them focus on innovating their employees. I started to write with this main idea in mind.
With the pandemic, the hospitality industry was adversely impacted. As I worked at Marriott in the past, I had several past Marriott team members reach out to me to discuss career options. One of the questions that I repeatedly received was, ‘What is product management? With my current experience, how can I make a career shift to product?’. I also had several companies reach out to me for potential openings. The pandemic had shifted the landscape. They were struggling to build or grow their digital presence. ‘Would you please consider helping us build our digital channels?’
With my experience spanning a couple of decades building digital products in various roles – developer, application architect, product manager, project manager, overseeing digital products across web, mobile, app, social – I had many stories to share. I hoped these stories would help those looking to make a career shift, or someone who wanted to learn more about digital product management, or teams and companies wanting to hone in on their digital product strategies. I pivoted and started to build on the filed away blogs that focused on digital products. I saved my draft on company culture and innovation for yet another perfect time.
My biggest hurdle
As I started to write, I did not lack the subject matter expertise. As I have shared, I am well versed on the topic. But what caught me off guard was the presence of a super dense fog of imposter syndrome – I doubted my abilities and felt like a complete fraud. ‘ Who am I to write? With so many subject matter experts in the industry, what makes me feel like I am qualified to write? What happens if others in the field do not agree with my thoughts? Will the book harm my credibility?’
I could not sleep and I started to take sleep aids. I woke up with cold sweat some nights. With a full time job, I struggled to find the time I needed to write. I often complained that writing a book was a full time job. I voiced my fear repeatedly and I think my family had enough. My daughters were home from the college, taking classes remotely. It was one such day, when I came out of my room, venting and lamenting that my older daughter looked at me with frustration said, “Stop crying and start writing”. My first reaction was, “How dare she…”, but on the other hand it was just what I needed. I receded back to my room and sat there for hours. How badly did I want this? I was afraid that if I gave up this time, I may lose the passion to write. I decided to keep writing.
Thickening of the fog
It was in mid-September that I heard that my role at AARP Services was being consolidated in a company reorganization. I felt a sense of instant relief. Time. The much needed time. In talking with my husband over the next couple of days, I realized that destiny had provided me with an opportunity. My husband asked me to join him in his Agile consulting business. The decision was simple. I opted for the severance check to cover me for a few months, left my job in October and continued writing.
I distinctly remember 2020 Thanksgiving. I was meeting with my family for a few days. The stress of not having a job was starting to sink in. The imposter syndrome, combined with lack of an income, was stressing me beyond words. Even on thanksgiving day, I was holed up in my room, writing. And crying. Over dinner, my brother-in-law told me, “If writing is making you so miserable, why are you doing it? Why don’t you do something you enjoy?’. I had no words. It is hard to explain that not everything that you want will come easy. That when you want to try something different, the path is not easy. But I persevered. Every time I felt like giving up, I remembered my daughter’s words. “Stop crying and start writing.”
Clearing of the fog
Over the winter holidays, I finally got a letter from Canadian immigration approving me to cross the US border to Toronto to see my parents. In mid-December, I drove alone from Washington DC to Toronto, Canada as my husband and daughters were not approved to cross the border. It was during the two week forced quarantine in Canada that the dense fog of imposter syndrome started to clear. Holed up in the dark basement, after seeing my parents from far, I wrote for nearly 20 hours each day. Alone in the basement, I lost the concept of day and night. I thought, breathed and worked on my book. The book started to take shape.
The biggest support that I had during the entire time was that of Eric and my writers cohort. A published author and professor, Eric knew what fears were awaiting us and had warned us about imposter syndrome. To motivate and encourage us, Eric invited published authors to talk to us multiple times a week.
While in the basement in Toronto, I especially remember one such conversation with General David Petraeus, who served over 37 years in the U.S. military and later was the Director of the CIA, from September 2011 – November 2012. During our conversation, General Petraeus shared “I think you have imposter syndrome throughout life — in every new experience when you’re out of your comfort zone, no matter what you’ve experienced in the past”. I wrote these words down and they inspired me every time I felt the fear. With each guest speaker, I grew stronger and I continued to write.
I do not know when the imposter syndrome started to lift, but on the long drive back home from Toronto to Washington DC towards the end of January, I remember thinking and rethinking how to order the stories into chapters and to tell the story. There were moments of fear, but I had learned to live and write in spite of it.
Once back home, I delved deep into the book and continued writing. There were days when I was tired and wanted to give up. There were mornings when I woke up and pulled my laptop from my nightstand into bed, bursting with ideas on how to convey what I had been struggling with for days. And fast forward to March and I completed my first draft. I had done it! The first draft of Empathy & Arrogance: The Paradox of Digital Products was 43,000 words strong!
I had stopped crying and started writing.
